Magic on the Beach: a 6 year old's story

Once upon a time there was a beach. The beach was magic. It was filled with gold and music. The sun shined every day. It only rained one time a week. The rain always went in order, first Monday then Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and last of all Sanday during church. There was a big village there. I wanted to move there. There was a garden where all the food was. Next to the garden was a store where food could not grow in the garden. The schools were big and children loved school! There wasn’t cereal for breakfast there was healthy things like eggs, fish, fruit, vegetables, yogurt, and other things. Everybody lived in a hotel. The hotel had everything people need.

It's almost as bad as Palestine

A wrestling match over a box of mini spooners has turned into camp-david style negotiations on dispute resolution. Rejected cereal-sharing proposals include
"I get first dibs"
"I get first dibs and then he gets it"
"She gets two mini spooners, then I get a full bowl, then she gets a full bowl"
"Let's do Eeny Meeny Mini Moe" (he turns it down because it takes to long, she does it anyway resolving it in his favor, he protests and turns it down again)
rock paper scissors
rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock
Ancient Cowboy ("No, I'll do regular cowboy but not ancient cowboy")
chopsticks
phone, storekeeper, robber
crayon, paper, scissors
"crayon, paper, lizard, 1, 2, 3, creative!"

They end up standing back to back, one doing Rock Paper Scissors and one doing Crayon Paper Lizard, with older sister mediator yelling for a redo. Then the victor refuses to serve himself his cereal until little sister is back at the table, leaving the field free for her to claim the spoils anyway.

Furniture

This is how you install a new couch.

1. Notice one couch is broken and one couch is ugly and stained. Decide to buy new couch.
2. Spot perfect couch at Costco. Sit on it, walk around it, lean back on it. Compare it with the specs of your desired furniture. (Leather, check! Recliner seat, check!) Decide to buy.
3. Learn product is out of stock.
4. Call other stores to see if they have it. (No.)
5. Return to Costco to see if they have it. (No.)
6. Call Costco Friday night to see if they have it in yet. Yes! Rush to Costco to buy couch and stuff it in the back of a Rav4 for transport home.
7. Call Dad to come help move the couch. Shift all furniture to middle of room where it creates an island of flotsam.
8. Couch is way too heavy for three to lift up the stairs, so shift it into the garage.
9. Make room for new couch by taking stained couch (plus overstuffed chair plus ottoman) to dump.
10. Text other friends to try to recruit more helpers. No response.
11. Wait three days.
12. Answer an evening knock at the door to find the missionaries wanting to borrow a bicycle pump. Loan them a pump. Ask them to help with the couch.
13. Carry the couch up the walkway and up to the porch one difficult stair at at time.
14. Hit the back of the porch. Stop moving couch.
15. Tip couch up on end to get the rest of it on the porch. Hit the roof.
16. Lower couch. Compare couch with porch, roof, and door. Run spatial analysis brain algorithms.
17. Realize it will NOT fit.
18. Carry couch back down walkway.
19. Clean out minivan. Stuff couch inside. Stuff missionaries inside.
20. Drive couch and missionaries to Costco. 
21. Return couch. (Not missionaries.)
22. Push broken couch back against the wall. Admire shiny floor where stained couch used to be. Wonder where guests are going to sit now!

Cheat sheet

I wish you got a cheat sheet for well-baby checkups: you mean that instead of singing we were supposed to be naming body parts?

Genius play or office sabotage?

My 18-month's favorite activity: pulling the paper clip box out of my desk drawer and scattering them all over the carpet

Education

After my son tackles the basic chicken tikka masala recipe and cooks dinner:
"Cooking dinner is hard work!"
"I feel like the table should be clean when I'm done cooking. I shouldn't have to clean it."
"I don't want to set. I already cooked dinner."

But will he remember these lessons when I'm cooking dinner?

Innovative

Only a baby could figure out that singing into a hollow pop bead makes a great microphone!

Rebecca prays

"Thank you for Genevieve. Thank you that I am a big sister."