Furniture

This is how you install a new couch.

1. Notice one couch is broken and one couch is ugly and stained. Decide to buy new couch.
2. Spot perfect couch at Costco. Sit on it, walk around it, lean back on it. Compare it with the specs of your desired furniture. (Leather, check! Recliner seat, check!) Decide to buy.
3. Learn product is out of stock.
4. Call other stores to see if they have it. (No.)
5. Return to Costco to see if they have it. (No.)
6. Call Costco Friday night to see if they have it in yet. Yes! Rush to Costco to buy couch and stuff it in the back of a Rav4 for transport home.
7. Call Dad to come help move the couch. Shift all furniture to middle of room where it creates an island of flotsam.
8. Couch is way too heavy for three to lift up the stairs, so shift it into the garage.
9. Make room for new couch by taking stained couch (plus overstuffed chair plus ottoman) to dump.
10. Text other friends to try to recruit more helpers. No response.
11. Wait three days.
12. Answer an evening knock at the door to find the missionaries wanting to borrow a bicycle pump. Loan them a pump. Ask them to help with the couch.
13. Carry the couch up the walkway and up to the porch one difficult stair at at time.
14. Hit the back of the porch. Stop moving couch.
15. Tip couch up on end to get the rest of it on the porch. Hit the roof.
16. Lower couch. Compare couch with porch, roof, and door. Run spatial analysis brain algorithms.
17. Realize it will NOT fit.
18. Carry couch back down walkway.
19. Clean out minivan. Stuff couch inside. Stuff missionaries inside.
20. Drive couch and missionaries to Costco. 
21. Return couch. (Not missionaries.)
22. Push broken couch back against the wall. Admire shiny floor where stained couch used to be. Wonder where guests are going to sit now!